i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
