Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize