I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
