i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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