what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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