Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
