I need help removing her.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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