All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
