oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
