I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
