Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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