Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
