its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
