I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
