He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
