I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
