I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
