at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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