i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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