I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
