pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
