apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
