i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize