maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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