Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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