Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize