based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
