My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
