everyone is single if you try hard enough
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
