OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
