he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
