Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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