Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
