First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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