My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You took a bar mat shot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
