Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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