How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
