I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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