Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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