one might say we're banned from that church
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
