I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
