How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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