OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
