I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
