when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
