the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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