And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
