apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize