Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
