The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
