I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
