would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
