If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
