I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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