yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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