DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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