watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
