How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
