my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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