hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
