dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
