Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
