i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
