Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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