There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
