Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
