I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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