It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
