I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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