The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
