So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
