If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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