3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's even glitter on my cock...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
