Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's the barista slut.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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