i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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