dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
