there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
