Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
